Winter
Snowflakes are dangling like pearls of glass
from the naked branches
of winter trees.
Quietly they fall on frozen ground.
Quietly, like tears on my soul.
How much I need this silence
I only noticed
since winter began.
How much I love someone
I only noticed
since he left.
I am afraid
that someday I'll always live in winter
I am so afraid
- to die -
but... by this
I don't prevent my death ...
but hinder my life.
When the late roses were still blooming
we quietly sat in the garden.
My head was in your lap
and I could hear birds singing,
bees buzzing....
I felt the last rays of the sun
the light, soft wind
and you.
And I didn't want to think about
how roses wither.
To feel the late summer
knowing
I won't be able to hold on to it,
to drown in the scent of the flowers,
knowing
I'll have to resurface eventually....
to lose myself in the magic
knowing
it won't kill me....
Now I sit here
icy flowers on the window
the wind of time
drives the pages of my calendar
into the wide open arms
of the next year.
I flip through my thoughts
and search for the days
of the awakening spring.
I dream,
dream of spring
in this winter night.
Forget the long days
filled with emptiness
Walk....
on the narrow ridge
between NOTANYMORE
and NOTYET
on which everything exists....
as close to rise
as to fall.
Weightless in the vacuum
of motionlessness and silence
that are so close
and yet so far away.
And I know.......
When it all seems to be over
anything can begin anew
from scratch.
When it gets colder outside,
my need for harmony, warmth
and quietude increases.
elfie 1998
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